I spent over half of this post writing an extended build-up and then decide to save my original topic for another day. I had a lot of fun writing it.
I took a brief hiatus from blogging because I had someone important come visit me from out of town, but I'm back!
Better than ever!
-Is a really debatable statement but I've landed on a solution and it's that none of us consider it too deeply.
How to capitalize on the widespread excitement and fanfare prompted by my whirlwind return to the blogosphere? You ask?
First of all, please calm down. Really it's a lot right now, what you're doing, and I honestly don't need that kind of genuine passion or real curiosity in my life. It's so obvious. You have no chill.
Despite your humiliatingly ostentatious display of interest, I've decided to answer the question:
Today, August 2, 2105, I, Rowan Youngs, am going to dive deep into an incredibly taboo subject.
Because this subject has been virtually untouched by the general public and mass media (largely due to the fact that it is too vast and nuanced and inflammatory) I feel like I need to drop some mad disclaimers on you.
Mad Disclaimers™
1) If at any point during the upcoming intellectual journey you begin to feel nauseous—if your left knee told you it was fine this morning but is acting really weird and passive aggressive all of a sudden, like you talked about this just last tuesday and agreed on open communication but this feels so typical and it's getting exhausting—stop and throw a few prayers in a general upward direction (specificity is unnecessary, someone will catch them) before re-committing.
2) Sometimes the unknown can be scary. It's okay. I understand. I'm here to lead you gently out of your self-imposed ignorance. I will take you by the hand and yes, I know my fingers are cold, I never claimed to enjoy poor circulation but we'll get through this together, side by side, if you stop being so dramatic and just deal with a little bit of a chilly limb. No there's nothing I can do about it. It's medical.
What the heck just grab my hand ok. You're actually making me feel bad now.
3) Last month my cat told me my ankles looked big.
I have resented her immensely ever since.
It's kind of like that.
This Concludes your Bi*-Weekly dose of Mad Disclaimers: The Reclaiming: Nobody Is Safe™
Now that I've disclaimed the heck out of you**, on to today's topic: Summer Break!
Just this morning I sat at Radio Coffee & Beer in the fair, bat-infested city of Austin, TX
(incidentally I'm still sitting here and let me tell you my butt is not at all sore. These are nice chairs.) and made a master list of all the things I want to accomplish in the last 3 and a half (!!!) weeks of summer preceding my return to school.
After it's completion I made the executive decision to take it all in for a second and was struck, as I often am, by how not-at-all surprising most of the listed items were. In fact, quite a few of said items have been occupying that great to-do-list-in-the-sky since May. MAY. Also locally known as "Three Sweet Months Ago" or just "Too Damn Long" if you're in a hurry.
Which I like to think is the nature of summer, at least for many people. Certainly for me.
Lots of great intentions, declarations of intent, and setting of goals. Lots of claims that this summer will be very much so different than those past.
All followed by summer actually happening, at which time reality catches you in its sweltering 100 degree grasp and begins its slow squeeze (this may sound cute but is decidedly not).
All this isn't to say I'm a summer break defeatist. That is THE LAST THING I would EVER want to be.
Because though summer used to be hard for me, it's no longer a bad or sad time.
And with each passing year my ability to stay positive, productive, and creative improves—not in leaps and bounds, but steadily.
In fact, I think there's something to be said for a chunk of time with wiggle room—where a change of plans doesn't necessarily amount to a lower grade or lost internship opportunity. It's so important to have that time. It's so important to develop a better relationship with messing up, with taking a break, because in life that will happen and it doesn't have to mean Failure.
I'm going to be honest right now:
I just [finally] wrote the paragraph in which I address the original core idea behind this whole post and realized I have a lot more to say about it than I expected. It also involved getting into my experience with ADD, which deserves more time and space than I can offer in this moment
Additionally, I think the subject would now be at odds with the ridiculousness that is everything I've already written.
So my next post will be something of a summer break part 2. I hope this is amendable to you my dear, sweet, empowered, stinky, trembling, lukewarm reader.
For now I will share some disjointed anecdotes and thoughts about the summer:
-Summertime sadness is a song I never liked but a concept I believe in wholeheartedly. I've always hated bright, sunny weather when I'm sad. If it's dark and rainy it's like the world is on your side, patting you on the head and saying "it's okay if you want to have a lazy day in. It's also great if you want to make art or be creative. I'll make that nice as well. You have soft hair."
Thank you, rain. Thank you.
-One night on our way to a concert with Mimi a college guy stopped us and asked for directions—he was visiting from out-of-town for a conference on nutritional legislation—and it turned out we were going to the same venue. He grew up in Las Vegas, said it's pretty much a dystopia, and called it "agonizing."
Obviously this is great.
After the concert we gave him a ride back to St. Edwards and realized that neither of us remembered his name.
I think it was Jake but Mimi insisted on Young Sam.
-This summer I realized one of the scariest feelings for me is inauthenticity, perceived or internally felt.
-I love Cheryl Strayed, remembered this, and re-read every Dear Sugar column. It was interesting to revisit the ones that made such an impact on me a few years ago, and to see how the way I connect with her stories has changed and evolved since then.
-The first week back in Austin I was sitting at this same table in Radio and the woman next to me told me she was recently thinking about the Miranda July book I have on my table—that she was in a dance aerobic class and thought "this feels like Nobody Belongs Here More Than You."
PART 2 should go up within the week! Don't go anywhere! Stay! I have needs! I'm needy!
Okay I understand.
See you soon.
*hah a
**I know you're scared but I really believe in you, I always have. (maybe I should have told you that more when you were growing up but all I can do is be better now and try to move forward) (like The Little Engine That Could) (What do you mean? It's a book. I read it to you when you were little) (You're kidding. I never read you that book?) (I never read you any books at all?) (What's a book??? Did you really just ask me that?? Stephanie, you're 24. You went to college. I'm legitimately so baffled right now I think maybe we both had too much to drink and should continue this conversation when we're less emotional)