21 Drunk Antelopes & Clearly Defined Life Goals

Here is a list of Things I Am Thankful For:

-Existing.
-Entering my freshman year of college and emerging alive and unscathed and also, dare I say it, a more evolved human.
-Books n art n stuff.

Things I Am Ok With But Not Thrilled About:

-My not-yet-fully-developed ability to stick with the things that are important to me.
Consequently:
-The fact that I have made only two posts on this blog.

I mean, it's ok. It's fine. Things happen and the world continues to spin. I have about 5 unfinished posts quietly waiting in a queue—sometimes they whisper to me at night—and I'm not sure that any of them are relevant anymore. But I am turning over a new leaf, or maybe just making the best of the leaf I have, and am infused with a fresh sense of motivation and purpose. This is all part of a tri-monthly cycle involving 1) gradual loss of momentum. 2) slow slide into lethargy. 3) realization that I need to get my shit together. 4) Assertion to friends and loved ones that tomorrow is the day I get my shit together. Sometimes I send snaps where every one of my chins look radiant, saying "tomorrow is the day I get my shit together." 5) I did it! My shit has been gathered! It is together, all in the same fun, pungent smelling location!* 6) fairly steady levels of productivity maintained. This phase of the cycle is excitingly variable. Who knows how long it will last? Not me! As I get older and become more self-actualized (ok Rowan, whatever you need to tell yourself) I'm able to keep this one going for ever-lengthening periods of time. 7) Repeat.

Last night I went for a night walk downtown with my closest friend, Mimi. We have known each other for 16 years. I feel confident in this fact because once during a phone call we had this conversation:

Me: Wow, it's crazy how long we've been friends. How many years have we known each other?
Mimi: I don't know. I don't really care.
And then I proceeded to crunch the numbers slowly and painstakingly because I had no help and am also very bad at math.
Me: Okay well we've known each other for 16 years and it's actually really adorable so it's all good, I can be the one in this relationship who cares.

And then I made a clever mental recall device to remember her birthday, because after 16 years you should probably remember your best friend's birthday (21 drunk antelopes stumbled over a hill, in case you were wondering. This means that she was born August 21, I think. It could be April but I feel more positive about the first option.)

This brings us to Chapter 2, entitled "I know you had a point, maybe try and make it":

One of the reasons I love Mimi (among many) is that we're very different. When asked what my goals for the summer are and responding with something typically vague like, "doing as much writing and art as possible" (what does this mean? What does "as possible" imply? Can "as possible" be measured? Of course not but don't worry, this is where Mimi steps in), she turned to me and said, "Ok. But how much writing? What kind? How much art do you want to do in a week?" And then she added "What's your third goal?" because everyone knows goals must come in three's.
This was a helpful thing for me to hear, and I've been thinking about it since. So in the spirit of actually cultivating a fulfilling summer where things are accomplished both in my head and in real life, I have settled on a FOURTH GOAL. I KNOW.
Goal #4 is to post on this blog once a week. Goal #4 requires me to let go of the voice in my head that would like every post to be equally meaningful, well developed, and interesting.** And I'm really, really excited about goal #4. In the spirit of letting go, I've decided to write about whatever interests me or comes to mind, which sounds obvious but is something worth affirming. There will definitely be more stream-of-conscience musings on thoughts and feelings, some book reviews, and anecdotes from daily life.

I'd like to note that I'm still settling on how much I want to share on this platform. Much of my writing ends up in a deeply personal place, regardless of where it began, and I'm grateful for this. Writing has been a constant in my life: the most authentic means of reflecting, processing, and examining the ideas and relationships I hold dear (as well as the ones I may reflexively shy away from). In many ways I find a safety and security in the written word, in that I feel I am wholly expressed in the sentences I put to paper (or Word document). Despite my natural impulse to write all of me, I am aware that the things I post here are public—effectively out of my hands once posted. This isn't to say I think many people will take the time to read these thoughts, simply that the option is there. As such, walking the line between public/private will be a delicate balancing act for me, and one I hope to fine tune over the next month.

In summation, I'm excited. I'm excited to try and stick with this, goal #4, and am very much looking forward to the posts that will follow. If you are reading this and are a friend of mine, I wholeheartedly encourage you to bonk me on the head and say, "Write!" whenever you feel like it. This could be a great excuse if you're ever getting annoyed at me and need to physically channel that frustration.

*I'm sorry
**At least to me. Obviously this is as subjective as it gets (a sentiment whose clarity could only be improved by words "as possible.")

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